Decision

I have a decision to make about my job and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to decide. I made a pro/con list last night to see if it would help, but the values of the pros and cons for each option are unequal, making my decision harder to make. I don’t know what to do but I need to choose an option very soon.

Wish me luck…

Jewels

If you could have any job in the world, what would it be? I have often thought about this and once upon a time, I thought my dream job was to become a doctor. After working nearly 10 years in a hospital, and pursuing two university degrees, one in psychology and the other in health sciences – I realized that medicine was not for me. I still love learning about medicine and health, I will literally read WHO and MayoClinic articles for fun; however, I realized as a career that I am just too much of an empath to be able to separate that type of work from my personal life.

If I could do anything in the world and be good at it, make money and not fall into debt by doing so, it would be to sell fine jewelry. Gold, diamonds, gemstones, anything sparkly. It would make me happy to be surrounded by beautiful jewels every day. I am a big fan of precious stones and gold.

The best museum I’ve ever been to for their gem collection has got to be the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History in Washington, DC. It was incredible!! Honestly, my friend and I must have spent at least 3 hours, just looking at all the rocks in their collection. They are also in possession of the Hope diamond, all 45 carats of it (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope_Diamond). Phenomenal!

So yeah, that’s what I would do. Prior to the pandemic, I would have specified that my preference would be to sell fine jewelry aboard a luxury cruise ship; however, now, I think it would have to be somewhere in Europe, or else maybe somewhere really scenic in Canada. I’m thinking perhaps Victoria, BC or near Banff national park in Alberta.

Anyways, when I came across this verse today, that’s what it made me think of. This proverb has kind of an Aladdin feel to it, I’m thinking of the cave of wonders. Imagine, all of those riches, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel. It’s kind of sad, but at the same time, it’s not untrue! Wisdom is rare and precious, and of great worth.

My take is that as much as I appreciate some beautiful sparkly rocks, I also need to appreciate knowledge. It’s worth more than material things. I think of how much work it is to mine for gold and rubies, and how much more work is involved in pursuing knowledge. Ignorance is bliss, right? So yeah, it’s a simple verse and evokes pretty imagery, but also hits close to home. Most of the time, I’d rather just stay dumb and not learn new things, but then there’s not much value in that! It’s easier. On the other hand, seeking knowledge and wisdom is a worthy investment and always increases in value, like gold.

Without Fault

I am an expert critic. Except instead of constructive criticism, I offer destructive criticism. The object of my harshest criticism is my self. I have somehow trained myself over the years to self-deprecate and tear my self down. I analyze every flaw; every word misspoken. It keeps me up at night and when I sleep, all my weaknesses and past mistakes haunt my dreams. I feel like I’ve dissected my entire person, what makes me me, and found very little that I am happy with and today is a day to acknowledge that these emotions are inside of me.

This ugly self-loathing manifests itself as a tightness in my throat, as silent tears streaming down my face, as a tightly clenched jaw to keep from sobbing uncontrollably, as a squeezing in my heart that prevents me from being able to breathe. It hurts to swallow, and I feel my blood pounding in my ears. It feels irrational and yet, it is a real emotion that I am feeling. I’m feeling it so hard right now that even my nose is bleeding.

I’ve become so adept at stuffing everything down; most of the time, I just feel numb, or tired. It is exhausting to keep up the charade of positivity, confidence, and put-togetherness. I know I have so much to be grateful for and the advice I received tonight from the course I am taking was to actually feel what I’m feeling (which sounds dumb but is actually such a big struggle for me) and to list things every day for which I am grateful.

I am grateful for my home, my bed, my espresso machine. I am grateful for running water and soap and that I took a hot shower today and washed my hair. I’m grateful to have hair and lots of it. I am really grateful for my chihuahua and for my iPad and internet. I’m grateful that I am able to drive, and also for the sunshine on my skin when I go for a walk. I am grateful that I don’t have cockroaches or bugs in my home. I’m grateful that God is able to keep me from stumbling and able to present me before his presence without fault and with great joy.

Don’t Blink

Time goes by so fast; it’s wild. Just like that the weekend is over. It was a great weekend and I’m looking forward to getting some time off the next couple of weeks to spend time with family!

Friday night was fun. I played some games on a great app called Houseparty with some friends from work. Then, yesterday was a busy day of preparing for my brother’s visit with his family. And today was food prep day and online church. I make a big batch of chilli and also some oven roasted salmon. I did laundry and the dishes and struggled with a nasty headache from the time I woke up this morning. So rather than fight it, I decided to take a good 2 hour snooze this afternoon, with an icy sleeping mask on my forehead and it seems to have helped tremendously.

I puttered around this evening, not doing too much and bam, it’s already 10pm on Sunday night and time to wind down. Today’s verse is the prayer in my heart the last few days. For some reason, I feel a bit of heaviness in my heart and I’m not too sure where it’s coming from or how to deal with it. So my goal is to take refuge in God and be glad and sing for joy. I pray that I will be protected and be able to rejoice in God’s peace and love for me.

Consider yourself part of my prayer, if you are reading this post, I pray that you will be glad, know that God’s protection is over you right now as you take refuge in him and that you overflow with joy. I pray, in Jesus’ name, that you will have a wonderful week and be refreshed and filled with hope for the future! Amen

My Shield

Imagine having a forcefield around you, a permanent barrier or a constant body guard. I have one and his name is the Jehovah Rohi. The Lord my shepherd. A good shepherd will watch over his herd with diligence, courage and dedication. His job 100% of the time is to make sure the sheep are safe; he will guide them into good pastures where they will have all of their needs met. He chases off any predators and makes sure that not one sheep wanders away into danger.

I’ve had this little dog in my home for about 12 days now and already I love her so much. This little creature that is in my care. All I want to do is spoil her. I think she is the cutest thing. She is currently sleeping on my legs. I want to protect her from any discomfort or harm. I worry that she might be hungry or need to go outside for a walk. I try to make sure she’s warm enough. I talk to her and give her lots of pets.

I imagine that God’s love could be compared to that of a person who loves animals. We’re obviously very different species, but yet dogs are considered to be man’s best friend. Imagine God wants to have that type of constant relationship with us, his beloved. He just wants to lavish so much love on us and just wants to be loved in return.

He provides everything for us, even creating dogs to keep as loyal pets, because he loves us. All we have to do is put our hope in him. Just like this little dog has faith in me that I will take good care of her.

Summer Daze

It’s wild that the pandemic has now lasted nearly 4 months, officially. I was pretty tired today from the busy day yesterday. I went to visit my parents since I had the day off work. It was super hot out so we enjoyed their swimming pool and the beautiful sunshine. In the evening, I went to a friend’s house for a small bbq, 2 meters apart!

We sat in her back yard and played never have I ever, virtual meeting edition! It was pretty funny. Never have I ever been in a virtual meeting in pyjamas, or while cleaning/cooking, or having a glass of wine in a coffee mug. Never have I ever been interrupted by a delivery person with a package from online shopping. Never have I ever pretended to have internet issues to get out of using the video or audio functions. Never have I ever attended a virtual meeting in bed. Hilarious! It was really great to catch up with these guys. I miss my friends!

They did invite me to the beach today after work and out for a patio dinner on Saturday but I’m still not ready to return to that level of « normalcy » and risk getting sick by eating restaurant food. One day but not yet…

Dominion

Happy Canada day! 🇨🇦 A day formerly known as dominion day or la journée de la confédération, en français. The Dominion of Canada was established on July 1st 1867.

As per the Canada heritage website:

The motto of the Dominion of Canada is A Mari Usque Ad Mare which is officially translated as “From Sea to Sea” and “D’un océan à l’autre ”. The phrase comes from the Latin translation of Psalm 72:8 in the Bible.

I’m really grateful to be Canadian. I’m grateful that I grew up here and have been blessed with the opportunities to visit so many beautiful places across this great nation.

Last autumn, my mom and I went on an Alaskan cruise and decided to take the train up to the Yukon. It was unbelievably special and just incredible. I’ll share just a few snapshots from my travels within Canada over the last couple of years.

God keep our land, glorious and free. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!

Crossing from Alaska into the Yukon Territory, near Fraser

Gray Exile

“Soak me in your laundry and I’ll come out clean, scrub me and I’ll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don’t look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health.

God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don’t throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me.

Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!

Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I’ll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I’ll let loose with your praise.

Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.”

Psalm‬ ‭51:7-17‬ ‭MSG‬‬
https://www.bible.com/97/psa.51.7-17.msg